He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
