Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
