Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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