my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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