i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize