Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
