we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
