I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize