I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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