I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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