Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
