so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
