And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
