Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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