Do you still have your period?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
