I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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