I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
