dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
