What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
