ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
