i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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