he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
