the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
