You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize