I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
