If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
