Screwed.edu
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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