i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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