she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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