Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
