Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
