whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
