My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
