forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
