I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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