You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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