he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
