bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we're making bets on your personal life
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
