I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
