he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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