Kiss
Puke
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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