Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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