Where did you get a picture of my penis
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
