i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
