I must be too annoying 4 u.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
