he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize