It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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