Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So here I am, sexting at work.
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