Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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