why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
