Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
