There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
