it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
