I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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