I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
