she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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