No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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