I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
