those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
