I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
