Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
