I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
