Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
