Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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