Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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