My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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