In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
