Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
